Recently I read a business book written by Christine Porath entitled Mastering Civility. This author has written numerous books and articles over the years. She is well known in the business world. The book was written to address challenges that are facing corporations around the globe in the area of workplace protocol. Mastering Civility was written to provide managers and employers with ideas to help improve the atmosphere and quality of their workplaces.
You may be reading this and thinking, “Ok Ric, so you read a business book that has nothing to do with parenting … so what?” Well, here’s the “so what?”. This book outlined several thoughts that I believe would help every family operate in a more “civil” way. Below are seven simple ideas from the book that will help you improve the atmosphere in your home. Maybe if we teach these principles to our kids and practice them as parents, we’ll be able to master civility in our homes as well. Smile more often: I know we are stressed, tired, and still have things to do. But putting on a smile will soften the load and put you in a good mood. Anyway, smiles are contagious! Listen more, talk less: Become a master at listening to your family members. Listen with your ears, your eyes, and your heart. Seek to understand not only what others are saying but also what is being said. Don’t judge too quickly: Think before you react. Empathize. Look at the big picture. You get it. Be helpful: Seek to serve. Offer good advice. Give your time. Assist as needed. Be a problem solver. Be respectful: Work on choosing your words carefully. Treat your family members as you would like to be treated. Your kids will learn how to respect others by watching you. So, get this right. Be a coach: Teach, lead, motivate, encourage, model, teach again, and offer praise. Cast vision, discuss the family game plan, strategies for success, and give helpful instructions. Enjoy the “wins.” Learn from the “loses.” Celebrate successes: Recognize when things are going great, when someone thrives, and when your family team has excelled. Do something fun together to acknowledge the win. And in all things give God the glory for all He is doing, has done, and will do. Ephesians 4:32 says “And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Praying that your family will master civility in the days and weeks ahead, Ric Callahan
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You set the pace for the spiritual growth of your children. The church plays a part, but the responsibility really falls on you. And Dads, God will hold you accountable for how well you have led your family spiritually. At a family ministry conference this week, it was shared that less than 15% of all families who attend church regularly ever open their Bible during the week. If this stat is true, it makes me sad, and it should concern you as well.
So, I’ve been challenged spiritually to challenge you to take the lead in your family and teach your kids about God and His Word. Yes, the spiritual growth of your family starts at home. So, here’s my challenge. Now that the school year is in full swing, why not do something fun in your family to help your kids learn about God and his Word? Here is the idea. Take a mealtime together each week to share a key Bible verse, discuss it, and then memorize it. It’s a simple plan. Let’s call it “The Bible Quest Challenge.” Regardless of the age of your kids, memorizing these verses will be easy. Each week as verses are recited, celebrate what God is teaching you. Maybe even with an occasional trip to get ice cream. Make it fun! Make it important! Make it a priority! Here are enough verses to get you through the school year. Let me know how it goes. And Dads, step up and lead this! You can do it! Ric Callahan, Pastor of Families, Westwood Baptist Church, Alabaster, AL 1. Acts 16:31 – Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved. 2. Psalm 145:9 – The LORD is good to all. 3. Genesis 16:13 – You are the God who sees. 4. Philippians 4:4 – Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5. Matthew 22:39 – You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 6. Numbers 6:24 – The Lord bless you and keep you. 7. Colossians 3:2 – Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 8. Colossians 3:16 – Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly. 9.1 John 5:3 – This is love for God: to obey his commands. 10. Proverbs 30:5 – Every word of God proves true. 11. Hebrews 13:8 – Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. 12. Psalm 150:6 – Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. 13. Proverbs 3:5 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart. 14. Romans 10:13 – Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. 15. Romans 3:23 – All people have sinned and come short of the glory of God. 16. Matthew 5:14 – You are the light of the world. 17. Psalm 139:14 – I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 18. Colossians 3:20 – Children, obey your parents in all things. 19. James 1:17 – Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above. 20. Matthew 28:20 – I am with you always. 21. Ephesians 4:32 – Be kind to one another. 22. 1 John 3:23 – Love one another. 23. Psalm 56:3 – When I am afraid, I will trust in You. 24. Psalm 118:24 – This is the day the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it. 25. Psalm 119:105 – Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. 26. Psalm 136:1 – Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. 27. Luke 6:31 – Do to others as you would have them do to you. 28. Philippians 4:13 – I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. 29. Psalm 138:1 – I will praise thee with my whole heart. 30. Ephesians 6:1 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Most parents would agree that compassion is an essential ingredient
in a healthy family. I mean family members should care about each other, right? But for some reason, what many families demonstrate on an ongoing basis is just the opposite. I get it, sometimes there’s just a lot of kidding going on. But more times than not, the stress level in our homes is much higher than the “family health meter” will permit. What does it mean to be compassionate within your home? Lets look at it this way, Compassion = Empathy + Supportive Action. So, we must first define the word “empathy.” Empathy basically means to understand and share the feelings of another person. When your kids know that you understand what they’re going through, and they realize that you have, at times, felt that same emotion, it will help them be able to better manage difficult situations. The title you hold as parent will almost always impact how your family sees you. As a mom or dad, your actions, both good and bad, become magnified. Really great parents (those who are paying attention) understand the power of simply noticing when their kids need encouragement and appreciating them when they are experiencing “wins.” Listening to your child’s stories, picking up on their non-verbal communication, and even asking them questions is a form of showing compassion. The supportive action part of the equation is about lending a hand to help your child with something that’s special to them. Three ways to lend your support to your child includes standing with them when they are in tough situations, giving them your full attention when needed, and reaching out to them when they need direction. The important thing for you is to physically and emotionally be there for your child. Someday you may be surprised when your child offers you support during a personal trial. Don’t be. They learned it from you. And that’s a win! Awesome parents help their kids succeed! In this process, please refrain from becoming the “Enabler” who is too helpful, and also from becoming the “Dictator” who is so focused on helping their kids that they take ownership of their work. Neither extreme is helpful for different reasons. Enablers don’t give the responsibility their kids are entitled to, and dictators don’t allow them to make their own decisions. Bringing out the best in your child should be your goal. Good parents help their kids take responsibility for their own growth, find their strengths, and create a vision for helping them learn new skills. In this way when issues arise, a parent can coach their kids rather than solve problems for them. Coaching boils down to three basic behaviors: listening, asking questions, and ensuring that your child follows through with the great advice you offered. Parents will never have happy, engaged kids if gratitude and compassion are not evident in the home. As the parent, you should be the first one to put compassion in action. Check out this Bible verse from Colossians 3:12: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Lets do it! Ric Callahan |
AuthorRic Callahan has served the Church as minister to youth, children, and families for 37 years. He and his wife, Carla, have a passion for motivating and encouraging parents to activiely pursue Godly leadership in their homes. They have raised two daughters who use their gifts in minsitry as well. Archives
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