I used to tell parents if they wanted to understand their child’s world they needed to watch the TV’s shows their child enjoyed. I also told them to pay close attention to the commercials that aired during those shows. There’s still a little validity in doing that, but these days bring on a whole new set of opportunities. Our children are now bombarded with media from all angles found on an array of electronic gadgets. Who really knows how many messages a day pass through the mind of your child? With this said, there’s more to a child’s world than the latest video game, app, or iTunes download. If this is the sum of your child’s world, it’s time for a re-focus for sure.
Your child's world is first and foremost the life they lead at school, what they do with their friends, church, and any activities they do in addition to all that. So how do you connect to that? How can you empathize with your child when they get anxious over the details of their life? Here are three actions you can take that serve as fundamentals to understanding the world in which your child lives. Talk to your child...then listen. Even though your work schedule is demanding, and your home is imperfect, experts agree that you should take time to talk to your child every day. Simple conversations about their day are a great place to start. Some kids are ready and willing to share all the details - they're talkers. All you have to do is ask a question and sit back and listen. But to get information from some kids you have to take a very detailed investigative approach. Getting facts out of them takes real patience. Asking a few questions at a time and gathering little bits of information will open for you “the doors to knowledge.” James 1:19-20 says “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” Communication with your children is key. We need to learn and practice how to be better communicators. And remember, communication is a two-way street; both talking and listening are important. Connect with the adults who know your child's world outside the home. Parents who volunteer at their children's schools have a better idea of what their children's daily environment is like. And kids like you being there. You also need to think outside of your child's school. Your kids are usually around others if they play sports, go to church, or spend time at a friend’s house. Taking time to have conversations with coaches, church leaders, and other parents will help you not only understand your child's world better, but it will also give you a contact in case of any type of emergency or problem. Spend time, time, and even more time with your child. Being a father that now has two grown children I can truly say that I don’t regret any of the time I spent with my girls. I do have regrets however, that I didn’t spend more. I believe it is often hard to remember how incredibly fast your kids are growing up when you're in the thick of things. You only get one shot at this. As parents, we all have obligations, and in addition need to take some time out for ourselves. But I’m reminded of the commercial, “Life comes at you fast!” I agree; some times faster than you would like. My grandfather told me when we had our first child to enjoy every moment. I’ve tried to do just that. I remember taking our children to the zoo when they were younger. They loved seeing the animals and riding the train. As they got older the most important thing at the zoo became the concession stand. Before you can really empathize with your child you have to understand their perspectives, their interests, their passions, but most of all you have to be willing to watch, listen, pray and learn. Ric Callahan Pastor of Families, Westwood Baptist Church, Alabaster, AL
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Have you ever lied to your child? When I was growing up my mom and dad told me what I now consider to be a lie. Don’t get me wrong, they didn’t do it intentionally. And, they didn’t do it to hurt me. In their defense they were actually trying to motivate me to take initiative, to work toward goals, and to accomplish great things. What they actually told me was this, “Son, you can be anything you want to be.” Hearing this from my mom and dad really was motivational. I loved basketball and baseball and wanted to be a professional in both sports. I was pretty good too. It didn’t matter how much I “wanted” to be a pro athlete it just wasn’t going to happen. And, I thought about becoming a doctor at one point but making good grades in science became a hindrance. I even had a notion that I might end up being a famous country singer. Turns out you have to be able to play more than four chords on the guitar and stay on pitch through an entire song. Unfortunately, my parents were wrong. I couldn’t become anything I wanted to be.
But, I could become exactly what God had designed me to be. And I did. My parents didn’t see it when I was little but as I got older they did begin to see in me certain abilities, passions, and areas of giftedness. These were seen in my personality, my interests, and my attitudes. They noticed in me a desire to serve God. They encouraged me and empowered me to pursue my passion. As of today, I’ve been in the ministry for 37 years. As I was growing up my parents empowered me to try a variety of different things. I expressed my interest through sports, music, art, writing, travel, and, of course, church. As I became a teenager they challenged me to use my gifts to serve others by helping in kids worship, cutting the grass at the church, assisting in Vacation Bible School, playing drums for the youth choir, and through coaching children’s sports teams. I was empowered by my parents to spend time with wise adults who lived in our community, to be a leader among my peers, and to take part in student camps and mission trips. I was a young man that wasn’t great at any one thing, but I became good at several different things. And, it’s the same today. So, even though I’ve never packed out stadiums as a professional athlete or famous singer, I have become exactly what I was designed to be, a minister. I am so glad that my parents not only encouraged me along the way, but also empowered me to explore who God was designing me to become. How can you empower your children to use their God given talents and abilities? First, you need to be their example. Are you using all the gifts and abilities that God has given you? Second, pray that God would reveal to you the passions and gifts that He has given your child. And third, empower them to enjoy and experiment with the giftedness that God reveals. Learning to empower kids isn’t complicated. You simply guide them to discover their interests, set some goals, and teach them to be dedicated to consistent improvement. Then you move out of their way and cheer them on with optimistic enthusiasm. By the way, this process takes a few years. Be patient, pray, and trust God no matter what. Ric Callahan Pastor of Families, Westwood Baptist Church, Alabaster, AL Parents…..Be Encouraged!
In Proverbs 22:6 the Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Training is much more than talking. Successful training takes a well thought out, consistent regiment over a long period of time. In addition, not all children can be trained in the same way. Some children learn better visually, when they are shown illustrations of the lesson. Others learn in an auditory manner, picking up the lesson by hearing alone. Visualizations would be distracting to these children. Still, other children learn with the help of motion or kinesthetically, which incorporates movements into the lesson and helps affix it to their understanding. It’s important for you to recognize the way in which your child learns best. Regardless of the way your child learns, all children will respond to the following: ENCOURAGEMENT Encouragement is defined as “the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope.” Here are a few ways to encourage your child this week.
One last thought: God tells Joshua in Joshua 1:9 to “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” So parents…Be Encouraged. God is with you on this parenting journey as well. Be Strong and Courageous. You are not alone. Ric Callahan Trusting God, No Matter What Pastor of Families, Westwood Baptist Church, Alabaster, AL Hey Dad:
Here’s a few thoughts as you start a new year. Always remember this: “Your children are watching.” I’m sure you've heard it said that kids are more likely to follow your example than they are to listen to what you have to say. Yes, “actions do speak louder than words.” So dad, it's always best when what you say and do are both positive and consistent. Children enjoy spending time with their daddy. It thrills them to know that you want to hang out with them whether its quality or quantity. I believe this phrase to be true; "Love is spelled “T.I.M.E." Talk with your children. Ask questions. Laugh with them. Play with them. Teach them things. Oh yes, and listen to them too. Of all the people in the world that will influence your child, you will have the greatest opportunity. Don't be a "wimpy" dad either. Stand up and protect your children and family. Take the initiative to make sure they are safe from the dangers of this world. Encourage them to make wise choices. Be ready to make quick adjustments to keep your children from harm. Do everything in your power to help them feel safe and secure in their home and community. Protect them from predators, not only physical predators, but also predators of their hearts, minds, and spirits. And lastly, be willing to stand in the gap as needed for what is right and noble. Make a decision today to be a man who controls his emotions. Seek to live your life in such a way that inspires your family and amazes others who are watching. Talk with your children about making wise choices, and remind them that every action begins with a thought. Check out Proverbs 16:2, “You may think everything you do is right, but the Lord judges your motives.” I challenge you to teach these things to your kids, not only through your words, but also through your actions. God will bless you and help you be a better dad. All you have to do is ask. Proverbs 16:3 says “ Ask the Lord to bless your plans, and you will be successful in carrying them out.” Ric Callahan Pastor of Families, Westwood Baptist Church, Alabaster, AL |
AuthorRic Callahan has served the Church as minister to youth, children, and families for 37 years. He and his wife, Carla, have a passion for motivating and encouraging parents to activiely pursue Godly leadership in their homes. They have raised two daughters who use their gifts in minsitry as well. Archives
May 2018
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