Recently I read a business book written by Christine Porath entitled Mastering Civility. This author has written numerous books and articles over the years. She is well known in the business world. The book was written to address challenges that are facing corporations around the globe in the area of workplace protocol. Mastering Civility was written to provide managers and employers with ideas to help improve the atmosphere and quality of their workplaces.
You may be reading this and thinking, “Ok Ric, so you read a business book that has nothing to do with parenting … so what?” Well, here’s the “so what?”. This book outlined several thoughts that I believe would help every family operate in a more “civil” way. Below are seven simple ideas from the book that will help you improve the atmosphere in your home. Maybe if we teach these principles to our kids and practice them as parents, we’ll be able to master civility in our homes as well. Smile more often: I know we are stressed, tired, and still have things to do. But putting on a smile will soften the load and put you in a good mood. Anyway, smiles are contagious! Listen more, talk less: Become a master at listening to your family members. Listen with your ears, your eyes, and your heart. Seek to understand not only what others are saying but also what is being said. Don’t judge too quickly: Think before you react. Empathize. Look at the big picture. You get it. Be helpful: Seek to serve. Offer good advice. Give your time. Assist as needed. Be a problem solver. Be respectful: Work on choosing your words carefully. Treat your family members as you would like to be treated. Your kids will learn how to respect others by watching you. So, get this right. Be a coach: Teach, lead, motivate, encourage, model, teach again, and offer praise. Cast vision, discuss the family game plan, strategies for success, and give helpful instructions. Enjoy the “wins.” Learn from the “loses.” Celebrate successes: Recognize when things are going great, when someone thrives, and when your family team has excelled. Do something fun together to acknowledge the win. And in all things give God the glory for all He is doing, has done, and will do. Ephesians 4:32 says “And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Praying that your family will master civility in the days and weeks ahead, Ric Callahan
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You set the pace for the spiritual growth of your children. The church plays a part, but the responsibility really falls on you. And Dads, God will hold you accountable for how well you have led your family spiritually. At a family ministry conference this week, it was shared that less than 15% of all families who attend church regularly ever open their Bible during the week. If this stat is true, it makes me sad, and it should concern you as well.
So, I’ve been challenged spiritually to challenge you to take the lead in your family and teach your kids about God and His Word. Yes, the spiritual growth of your family starts at home. So, here’s my challenge. Now that the school year is in full swing, why not do something fun in your family to help your kids learn about God and his Word? Here is the idea. Take a mealtime together each week to share a key Bible verse, discuss it, and then memorize it. It’s a simple plan. Let’s call it “The Bible Quest Challenge.” Regardless of the age of your kids, memorizing these verses will be easy. Each week as verses are recited, celebrate what God is teaching you. Maybe even with an occasional trip to get ice cream. Make it fun! Make it important! Make it a priority! Here are enough verses to get you through the school year. Let me know how it goes. And Dads, step up and lead this! You can do it! Ric Callahan, Pastor of Families, Westwood Baptist Church, Alabaster, AL 1. Acts 16:31 – Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved. 2. Psalm 145:9 – The LORD is good to all. 3. Genesis 16:13 – You are the God who sees. 4. Philippians 4:4 – Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5. Matthew 22:39 – You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 6. Numbers 6:24 – The Lord bless you and keep you. 7. Colossians 3:2 – Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 8. Colossians 3:16 – Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly. 9.1 John 5:3 – This is love for God: to obey his commands. 10. Proverbs 30:5 – Every word of God proves true. 11. Hebrews 13:8 – Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. 12. Psalm 150:6 – Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. 13. Proverbs 3:5 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart. 14. Romans 10:13 – Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. 15. Romans 3:23 – All people have sinned and come short of the glory of God. 16. Matthew 5:14 – You are the light of the world. 17. Psalm 139:14 – I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 18. Colossians 3:20 – Children, obey your parents in all things. 19. James 1:17 – Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above. 20. Matthew 28:20 – I am with you always. 21. Ephesians 4:32 – Be kind to one another. 22. 1 John 3:23 – Love one another. 23. Psalm 56:3 – When I am afraid, I will trust in You. 24. Psalm 118:24 – This is the day the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it. 25. Psalm 119:105 – Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. 26. Psalm 136:1 – Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever. 27. Luke 6:31 – Do to others as you would have them do to you. 28. Philippians 4:13 – I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. 29. Psalm 138:1 – I will praise thee with my whole heart. 30. Ephesians 6:1 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Most parents would agree that compassion is an essential ingredient
in a healthy family. I mean family members should care about each other, right? But for some reason, what many families demonstrate on an ongoing basis is just the opposite. I get it, sometimes there’s just a lot of kidding going on. But more times than not, the stress level in our homes is much higher than the “family health meter” will permit. What does it mean to be compassionate within your home? Lets look at it this way, Compassion = Empathy + Supportive Action. So, we must first define the word “empathy.” Empathy basically means to understand and share the feelings of another person. When your kids know that you understand what they’re going through, and they realize that you have, at times, felt that same emotion, it will help them be able to better manage difficult situations. The title you hold as parent will almost always impact how your family sees you. As a mom or dad, your actions, both good and bad, become magnified. Really great parents (those who are paying attention) understand the power of simply noticing when their kids need encouragement and appreciating them when they are experiencing “wins.” Listening to your child’s stories, picking up on their non-verbal communication, and even asking them questions is a form of showing compassion. The supportive action part of the equation is about lending a hand to help your child with something that’s special to them. Three ways to lend your support to your child includes standing with them when they are in tough situations, giving them your full attention when needed, and reaching out to them when they need direction. The important thing for you is to physically and emotionally be there for your child. Someday you may be surprised when your child offers you support during a personal trial. Don’t be. They learned it from you. And that’s a win! Awesome parents help their kids succeed! In this process, please refrain from becoming the “Enabler” who is too helpful, and also from becoming the “Dictator” who is so focused on helping their kids that they take ownership of their work. Neither extreme is helpful for different reasons. Enablers don’t give the responsibility their kids are entitled to, and dictators don’t allow them to make their own decisions. Bringing out the best in your child should be your goal. Good parents help their kids take responsibility for their own growth, find their strengths, and create a vision for helping them learn new skills. In this way when issues arise, a parent can coach their kids rather than solve problems for them. Coaching boils down to three basic behaviors: listening, asking questions, and ensuring that your child follows through with the great advice you offered. Parents will never have happy, engaged kids if gratitude and compassion are not evident in the home. As the parent, you should be the first one to put compassion in action. Check out this Bible verse from Colossians 3:12: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Lets do it! Ric Callahan Before parents can be successful in leading their families, they must first be able to lead
themselves. Moms and dads, who have a desire to lead well, often find themselves in situations of distress and disillusionment. Early on the goals for their kids are realistic and reachable, but they fall short during the implementation stage. It’s so difficult for parents to decide and act with clarity in all situations. In addition, maintaining one’s emotional balance and acting with sustained moral courage in every situation is almost impossible. Leading a family is not for the weak at heart. And, the world we live in doesn’t make it any better. What then, are we to do? How can we successful begin to lead our family well? Here are some great thoughts to get you moving in the right direction: Lead by Example: Live the way you want your children to live. Trust God. Treat others with respect. Respect Authorities. Make wise choices. Portray a strong work ethic. Work with your spouse or other parent: Communicate with one another about the direction you want your kids to take. Don’t make all the decisions on your own. Lead like a Servant: Put the needs of the family before your own. Especially your personal “wants.” Look for things you can do to help other family members. Lead with Humility: Look for ways to fulfill the mission for the family and keep in mind that you are a “team” leader, not the “star of the show.” Think Morally and Ethically: Right thinking is the best thinking. Right living is the best living. Learn how to be Better: Seeking out new solutions to challenges and problems can become a family affair. Always look for ways to improve, innovate, revise and refresh. Lead with Courage: Be willing to take a stand when needed. Taking a stand comes at a cost, but also with rewards. Lead with an Open Heart and Mind: Who knows, someone besides you might be the one that’s right from time to time. Lead knowing that if you don’t take the lead Someone else will: There’s a lot of people in this world that will be glad to take the leadership reigns of your family if you choose to allow it. This is a really scary thought … just saying. Lead from your Knees: If you want the help of the most powerful being in the universe, I would suggest that you PRAY. And, don’t wait until there’s some family emergency. Pray for your family members today and everyday. How about now? God will hear every word. Blessings on you as you choose to lead your family well. Ric Callahan A few weeks ago my wife and I went with a group of people from our church on a mission trip to Belize. We worked with families and kids in their schools, churches, and villages. While we were there we had the opportunity to lead a parenting seminar for about 50 moms and dads. We wondered if we would be able to relate to their culture enough to really be helpful. As it turns out, they were dealing with many of the same challenges that we face; discipline, authority challenges, disrespect, media, peer pressure, and disobedience. The situations were somewhat different, but even in Belize parents were looking for answers. I did notice something that caught my attention though; parents seemed to be raising not only “free-range chickens”, but also “free-range kids”.
What is that you might ask? Well from morning until night the kids were outside making their own choices about the activities of their day. The kids usually chose to come to school because that’s where other kids were and where they would be served lunch, but then they would walk around their villages, talk with friends, play, etc. The village chickens did the same thing. Of course the chickens were not as worried about eating lunch, as they were about becoming lunch. When we got back to the states I actually heard a radio talk show where they were talking about “free-range parenting”. I Googled it and guess what? It’s a thing! Yeah, there’s a movement in the U.S. that promotes the opposite of being a “helicopter parent”. “ Free-range parenting is the concept of raising children in the spirit of encouraging them to function independently and with little parental supervision, in accordance of their age of development and with a reasonable acceptance of realistic personal risks. On the other hand, Helicopter parenting refers to "a style of parents who are over-focused on their children. They are usually over-protective and want to be with their child in every situation. Both parenting styles are a little extreme in my opinion. There are situations, based on your child’s age, when you need to be very involved and protective, and there are those times when you need to offer more freedom. I guess what I’m saying is when it comes to being a great parent, you need to keep your head and your heart in the game, but your hand must be willing to close or open based on the situation, your values, and your convictions. My neighbor has three chickens. Most of the time they are in a pen. When that’s the case, they can’t roam around the yard. But, while in the pen, they are protected from predators as well. On a pretty day though, when my neighbor is out in the yard, she let’s them roam around spreading their wings and seeking out fresh worms. Maybe as parents, we need to balance our styles with the goal of helping our children to safely mature under God’s watchful eye. And remember, James 1:5 says “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” Ric Callahan We are all busy. The schedule that we keep today is ridiculous. I’m sure there are some families out there who just casually move through their days and weeks at a very relaxing pace while stopping for a few seconds to sip their freshly squeezed lemonade. But, I don’t know any of them! Most young families are non-stop, especially during the school year. They are doing really good things with really great intentions, but often stressed, anxious, and lifeless by the end of the day. Even the time in the car is consumed by the radio, phone conversations, videos, and electronic games. What are we doing??? A few years ago Tim Kimmel wrote a book entitled Little House on the Freeway. I believe the title of his book captures the culture of the majority of families with young kids. We are a hurried society. But, many families don’t even know what they are chasing. In Tim’s book, he reminds parents that we need to help our kids find times of rest. This is something we all need. He gives a few suggestions for helping your kids disconnect from the pace brought on by school, homework, sports, electronics, clubs, and even church. Here are a few thoughts from the book. We need to help our kids rest physically. Their bodies are their responsibility, but as a parent they may need a few reminders. Teach them how God has designed their bodies to recuperate by getting proper rest. They need sleep. Getting enough sleep is so important. They need to be reminded that a proper diet renews their bodies, gives them energy to do fun things, and it promotes good mental health. We must encourage our kids to put down the electronics and allow their minds to be renewed. They need mental rest. Time to dream, plan, think, and interact with the family. Creativity is heightened when a child is allowed to renew their mind. We also must help our children to build new relationships and deepen the ones they have. They need emotional rest. We are social creatures. To allow kids time to just make new friends and play with others should be high on a parents priority list. Un-structured, creative play has incredible emotional benefits. And lastly, children need to learn how to rest in the Spirit. God is in control and the Holy Spirit is at work all around them. Teach you child that they can go to God about any subject. Help them learn that God invites us to rest in Him. Set the example for your kids by living in such a way that they see you totally relying on God and His Word. God can be trusted. Relax, Gods got “this.” Whatever “this” is. Maybe you are like me, in that, my example of “resting in the Lord” has been somewhat skewed because I’m still trying to learn how to do this myself. Even though this has been a constant challenge for me I must continue my quest in trusting God fully. I encourage you to do the same. So, let’s teach our kids to rest. A rejuvenated spirit will follow and the benefits will be bountiful. Don’t let business, productivity, or the temptation to “keep up with the Joneses” keep you from the quality of family life that’s waiting. Check these out… Matthew 11:28-30, Psalm 37:7, Psalm 62:5, I Peter 5:7 Ric Callahan Pastor of Families, Westwood Baptist Church, Alabaster, AL Last week I was introduced to a new concept. It’s exciting at my age to learn something new, especially when it is really helpful.
At my house, I converted an old underground storm shelter into a fitness room. I’m in there at least 5 days a week lifting weights. Because it’s underground it has a certain musty smell. During the winter our cat, Charlie, stays there at night to keep warm. Unfortunately, it begins to smell really bad during that time. A few weeks ago, I bought a couple of plug-in air fresheners that give off the wonder scent of a Hawaiian breeze. Now when I walk into my wonderful “pit of pain”, the aroma reminds me of working out on a beautiful beach in the pacific. At least I can pretend I have a “beach body.” Often, when you enter a building you first notice the scent of the room. Which brings me to the question, “What does your home smell like?” What is the AROMA of your home? As parents, we have the opportunity to set the pace and atmosphere in our families. In addition, with some intentionality, we also have the privilege on determining the AROMA. Sure, sometimes it stinks, but don’t let that continue. Below are some suggestions using an acrostic with the letters in AROMA that will help all of us make our homes smell a little sweeter. A= AFFECTION – Make sure that there are plenty of hugs, caring touches and kind words. The kids need to feel loved and see mom and dad showing affection to one another. R=RESPECT - Kids need to show respect to their parents and one another. Disrespect is never tolerated. Parents respect each other through both words and actions. O= ORDER - Structure is a good thing. Schedule your day and week as a family. Observe family traditions, customs, and priorities. Everybody knows what is expected of him or her from their behaviors to their chores. The family is a team and works together. Each family member does his or her part. Of course every family has moments of chaos but having an agreed upon conflict resolution plan in place will greatly reduce stress and anxiety. M= MERRIMENT – Have fun as a family! Laugh together. Enjoy being with each other. Be joyous. Play together. When people visit, keep the atmosphere light and burden free. Plan fun times together. Did I mention, “Laugh together?” A= AFFIRMATION – You are the ultimate cheerleader for your kids and your spouse. Make sure the people who you call family know that you unconditionally love and support them. Attend their activities. Encourage their development. Celebrate wins. Remind your kids that God has designed them, gifted them, and loves them. Praise God for their uniqueness and guide them to use their giftedness to help others. Tell them you are proud of them. And…give them reasons to be proud of you. From time to time every home smells a little musty. Maybe it’s time for you, as the parent, to take some steps to improve the AROMA of your home. Be intentional about spreading the “fragrance” of Christ. Check out this verse: 2 Corinthians 2:14-15 (ESV) 14 But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere. 15 For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing. Ric Callahan Pastor to Families, Westwood Baptist Church, Alabaster, AL Recently, I’ve talked with several Christian parents who really want their children to grow into godly young men and women. There are so many factors that go into this process. I would like to take some time today to share a few ideas that will help. You must keep in mind that being a consistent Christian example for your kids over a lifetime will mean more to your kids than doing an occasional creative Bible activity. With that said, here are some basic ideas that will give you a framework for a plan of action.
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AuthorRic Callahan has served the Church as minister to youth, children, and families for 37 years. He and his wife, Carla, have a passion for motivating and encouraging parents to activiely pursue Godly leadership in their homes. They have raised two daughters who use their gifts in minsitry as well. Archives
May 2018
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