Listening and talking is the key to a healthy connection between you and your children. But parenting is hard work and maintaining a good connection with children, especially teens can be challenging. My dad used to say, “I’m already dealing with pressures at work, do I have to deal with it at home too?” That question usually came when, as a teenager, I had just misunderstood another important life lesson. Family life is much better if you teach and model good communication while your kids are young. Teenage years are coming. And, I will just leave it at that.
Children are designed for connection. We all seek it. The type of relationship a child has with their mother, father, or caretaker, transfers into every other future connection. God created all of our senses to grow and ultimately connect with Him. (Genesis 2:7-9, Psalm 139, Proverbs 2:1-9, Acts 17:26-27) How can you and your kids communicate better in the days ahead? Here are some possibilities offered by HomePointe Founder, Kurt Brunner: 1. Use daily moments to capture connection.
Here are a few things I’ve learned over the years. Be available for your children. When your kids are talking make yourself mentally available. In other words, listen. Be willing to start conversations about what is happening in their lives. Start with “Lately I’ve been thinking about this”, rather than asking probing questions. Let them complete their thoughts before you respond. (This is tough for me). Express your opinion without putting down theirs. Kids learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how to communicate anger and how to share difficult feelings. Talk to your children — don't lecture, criticize, threaten or say hurtful things. Seems like kids always remember the hurtful things we say, but have problems recalling all the great things we’ve taught them. Each week spend some one-on-one time with each child. Know your child’s interests and show interest in things they enjoy. Ask your children what they may want or need from you. Are they looking for advice, someone to just listen, help in dealing with feelings or help solving a problem? Often, your children may test you by telling you a small part of what is bothering them. Listening carefully to what they say, encourages them to talk and who knows, they may share the rest of the story. If communication is a challenge in your home, Don’t give up! Practicing just a couple of these suggestions should help. Being consistent is the key. Suggested Reading: The Five Love Languages of Children, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, and The Five Languages of Apology. Gary D. Chapman writes all three. Ric Callahan Pastor of Families, Westwood Baptist Church, Alabaster, AL
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AuthorRic Callahan has served the Church as minister to youth, children, and families for 37 years. He and his wife, Carla, have a passion for motivating and encouraging parents to activiely pursue Godly leadership in their homes. They have raised two daughters who use their gifts in minsitry as well. Archives
May 2018
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